Sometimes I wonder if I'm the only one who gets these "moods", for lack of a better word. I start off with the best of intentions to start making the changes needed to create the life we dream of living..and then get sidetracked by the daily ins and outs of life. Months (and on some occasions, years) later I will suddenly "wake up" and wonder "what in the world am I do???". THAT will be when this mood strikes to change back to our original intent. Eight years now we have lived here after our big escape from 'burbs of a big city life to the country we both adore...Hubby was raised in that big city and I was a small town gal who got moved to the city right in the middle of 10th grade. In raising 5 kids, it makes sense that some dreams get sidetracked along the way...but, on the flip side of that, it would seem that SOME progress would be made towards what we want. I know I had my total "hermit mode" flip out thing and we put the kids back in public school a year after we got here...probably the best thing for them at the time, but, in hindsight, probably not such a good idea. We "intended" to be in this mobile home for a max of 5 years as we built our strawbale home (complete with solar power, etc....)..and yet 8 years later we are still sitting here with not even a foundation ready for our house. We have a bad habit of dreaming "big" (funny to say big when our wishes are really so simple...a simple life and home) and then...what?? What happens to us to keep us from moving forward and attaining our dreams and goals? Sure, money is a big factor..but from hundreds of stories, articles and such I have read..it certainly doesn't stop other people that live paycheck to paycheck as we do. I admit, sometimes all the things I want to accomplish are so overwhelming that I just get bogged down and stressed and eventually "give up" and slide back into the "just existing" mode simply because I can't figure out even where to begin.
So, I'm ready to get out of the existing mode! I didn't intend to write such a depressing sounding blog...but it needed out. Sometimes just getting it written down works better than anything else in the world..it clears out the debris of the soul and provides a font for motivation (not to mention the fact that if you post it out there for EVERYBODY to see, you might want to back it up cause people will be looking to see if you slide back into the pit LOL)
Now, I'm asking myself "Where do I start"? In this house, in this moment! I know our dream house isn't going to appear overnight, but I do know we have to live in THIS house during that time. I've always love the phrase "Bloom where you are planted"...well, expecting it or not, I'm planted right here right now and I just need to care for this little plot (home) while I am in it..and, on the bright side, when that dream home becomes a reality, it is right here in my own yard ;~)...I mean, I keep my house (fairly) clean..but, to be honest, there isn't alot of outward signs of what we love adorning it. I've had, in those previous moods, done a bit here and there (painted bedrooms, living room and such)...but I haven't invested my heart into this house..mainly because I never liked it and always just saw it as a temp spot to rest our heads while pursuing the "REAL" dream....I'm amazed at how much sheer time I have lost while holding that thought in my head!
So, here is my thought...I'm going to invest my time in this house (with time, of course on the property, which will enhance it even when another home if finally built), using what I have or can get VERY cheaply or making, or..(you get the idea)...that will have me creating THIS home, since it is the one we have! While I will never be able to stop dreaming of what we want...I WILL stop making it my main focus and letting it cause me to sit in this waiting it out mode and start living for the moment now!
Hmm, I think I'm off my personal crisis now...time to go do something about it!
What dreams are holding you back from living in the present or causing you to keep putting things off because they aren't what you were waiting for/dreaming of?
5 comments:
I enjoy your blog, it was a pleasure stopping by!
I'm really working on myself so that I will focus on this home and stop doing the little "paint this room and it will keep a while longer" thing. Given the economy, this is what we have and we better take care of it and make it the kind of home we want!
Thanks for stopping by!!!
I think there's probably a lot of women who are in this place. I know I am. I think so much about the "dream house" I've got in my head that I fail to live in the home I have now. (Perhaps that's where the crunjulatedness comes from. Sigh.) It's nice to read (not NICE, but you know what I mean) that others are going through this.
I think we all have dreams that get put on hold. It's just learning to be happy where you are in the process that is hard at times. We have just stared recreating the home we want as the kids have moved out and the funds are availiable (sorta). Some improvements I wish we could have made while they were here but others they saw is work towards....
Been there, done that... It's so easy to get sidetracked from our dreams, but do not give up! :)
I hear you loud and clear. You have just put my mood down on paper (so to speak) I'm not like it all the time but it does strike me occasionally.
I too dream of that strawbale dream home. I don't want a mansion, just a simple, beautiful, natural home...and sometimes this half-way house doesn't get the love it deserves as it's not THE place.
I want to be happy where I am right now BUT I don't want to stop dreaming about the future...it's a precious balance to strike on the days you do get it right!
Love to you and yours, I believe your dream will come true one day and may all the days leading to that dream be just as precious as the dream itself.
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